Good Advice
Finding the right words
My note on this is I wish they handed this out to everyone. I get frustrated when people use the same clichés for every situation. I love this article that is why I want to share it with all of you. Pass it on, use it, or throw it away I don't care but at least read it because I believe it can make a condolence sound more genuine.
Less Helpful
- “God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle”
- “What doesn't kill you makes your stronger”
- “You need to be strong like your mother.”
- “You need to be strong for your mother.” (or for your children, family, coworker.)
- “Be strong, and you’ll get through it.”
- “Keep the faith.”
- “This was part of God’s plan.”
- “This was God’s will.”
- “God works in mysterious ways.”
- “God tests your faith.”
- “You need to pray more.”
- “Something good will come out of this.”
- “It happened for the best.”
- “You are lucky that your _____ died peacefully.”
- “Be grateful it wasn’t worse.”
- “You shouldn't get so angry.”
- “You’re going to be just fine.”
- “Keep a positive attitude — its better for your health.”
- “Why didn’t you leave sooner?”
- “Why didn't your ____ call you sooner?”
- “Why do you think God is putting you through this?”
- “You should feel lucky. What you are going through is nothing like what _____ went through.”
- “Your problem is not as bad as what my ___ is going through with ___.”
- “It’s time to put this behind you.”
- “You need to keep busy, and get back to work.”
- “You have your whole life ahead of you.”
- “Just think about what you will be doing by this time next year.”
- “I understand how you feel.”
- “I know what that’s like.”
More Helpful
- “How are you doing with all of this?”
- “I’m so glad you showed up here today.”
- “ I am here if you want to talk.”
- “I can only imagine how you’ve coped.”
- “I’m thinking of you everyday.”
- “What has helped you get through the past few days?”
- “I hope things get easier for you soon.”
- “I can offer my help, if you like.”
- “It sounds hard, getting through these days.”
- “I’ll be sending you my thoughts and prayers.”
- “It sounds impossible to see what’s ahead.”
- “I’m so sorry this has happened.”
- “I was so sad to hear the news about your ___.”
- “You’ve had to deal with a lot at once.”
- “It isn't fair, is it?”
- “I believe in you.”
- “Sounds like you were going through hell.”
- “I’m sorry to hear no one called you in time.”
- “What you just told me sounds outrageous.”
- “You already had enough on your plate.”
- “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
- “I am so sorry this has happened to you.”
- “This might take time.”
- “I believe you’ll know the right time to return to work.”
- “Allow some time for this.”
- “Take all of the time you need for yourself.”
- “I can only imagine how hard this must be.”
- “Do you mind telling me what it is like?”
- “Tell me more, if you like.”
Sometimes we forget that when a person is going through something all they want is someone to listen. Not to feel sorry for them. Let the person know you are going through it with them, not for them.
An article out of December 2010 Good Housekeeping Magazine.
